"my heart is set on you.. i don't want no one else..& if you don't want me i guess i'll be all by myself."

Ever feel like that you like somebody so much you dont care who they are with as long as they are happy? But then again you want to be the person that makes them happy? I guess i just have mixed emotions right now. I dont know how to explain it but sometimes you feel like your friends get tired of hearing about the "one guy" so i guess thats when i turn to my blog. even though i only have a couple followers..lol I mean i've liked this one guy since before i got the HG (or thats when i noticed him anyway) and i pretty much cant keep my mind off of him. It's like sometimes i feel almost like he is the one im suppose to be with but then again he never acts like it. & i just dont know what to do. because im a little old fashioned and not good about the whole "girl making the first move thing" i just cant do it right now. Im afraid of rejection. But i just dont know what to do because it has gotten to the point where i like him so much that i cant date another guy because my feelings for him are always stronger..I mean when i was with Zak i was thinking of him.. and thinking i should break up with him for this guy.. when this guy didnt even know that i liked him. So i couldnt do that. But my feelings have gotten alot stronger since then. & it has come to the point where me and a guy spilt because my feelings were stronger for this guy.& i know what you holy people are thinking.. Pray about it. Well i have..almost all summer long. and Everytime i have prayed for a sign i will get it. But then when i see him out and we dont talk much i get discouraged. But think i think Whitney you have signs... Not just one sign,several signs. But then i start thinking well what if the devil is just letting these signs happen so that i will get so focused on this one guy that i let the actual one just pass me without second thinking it? Ugh why does this have to be so confusing? I just want a REAL relationship. Not one where im cheated on,lied to, or stabbed in the back. That is why right now i want a guy that is a worker..not physically. spiritually. Someone that i can go to church and watch get up and testify and get a blessing. and Pray for me when im not having a good day. Or just pray that i will have a good day. I just want a guy that is willing to treat me right. Because i feel like i have went through alot with guys lately. I just one a holiness guy that i can trust and know that he wont lie to me, or treat me like im just another girl. Even though i've had boyfriends in the past.somehow i dont feel like ive had a real relationship. I feel like they are just lessons that i needed to learn from and to bring me out of things i didnt realize i was getting myself into. Like Looking back at Me & Zak.. mom kept telling me she wished i wouldnt hang out with all the nsm people so much(nothing against them they were just worldly) and wished i hung out with holiness kids,, but i kept telling her mom i dont have holiness friends i can depend on.. But once i really started getting back in church and working harder in church the Lord let me get closer To Kacy and then he sent me Taylor...Which i would rather just have two close holy friends then 10 worldly bestfriends. Because sometimes worldly friends just dont understand when you are going through a trial.. and sometimes they make it worse trying to get out of it, just by little comments they make about how you cant go do certain stuff with them. I know they dont mean to but sometimes thats just the way it goes. But your holy friends.. now they know just how to help you..or maybe they are going through something similar and you can help each make it just one more day and then the lord steps in and takes over and before you know it you both out shouting in the altar together :) Yeah thats an amazing thing. Anyways i'm getting off track. Yeahh maybe somebody out there on Blogger land can read this and help me out. I dont want to give up, not one bit even if he does get another girl.. but i know whatever is meant to work out wil work out.. and i told the lord im willing to wait. As long as its his will.. But i just dont know what to do until then. Do i attempt to date somebody else? or do i just fly solo and keep praying? It's so confusing.. and this point time i wish Dr.Phil lived around here. maybe he would help me out..Then again I told the Lord i would be willing to wait so maybe thats what im suppose to do.. Ugh i just need help..

Love,

the girl that doesnt know what to do.