Monday, May 16, 2011

So don't bring those big brown eyes and tell me that your sorry!

Wow,i have so much on my mind and i know as of now i only have 3 followers but i gotta vent a little even if nobody reads it...so here goes..
I never thought it would end like this. Why me? why her? There is so many things running through my mind i could have said to you, but i didnt. Because i wanna be the bigger and more mature person in this situation. I'm just gonna keep my head up and know that im a good person and i DO NOT deserve anybody that treats me like that. Not a boyfriend. or not even a "best friend". Because what hurt the most was not that fact that it was with my "best friend" it was the fact that i asked you countless times about it and you looked me in the eyes and lied to me. & not only you she had the nerve to lie to when i already knew it was true & how did i actually find out the truth? your bestfriends. yeah they told me the truth before you ever did actually you never told me the truth! and not only did they tell me the truth and anything i wanted to know, they were there to put their arms around me and make me laugh when i was close to my breaking point and tell me they loved me and they cared about me, something you never did. Then i guess you just thought it would blow over like nothing ever happened and fix it by asking me to hang out the next day but no im not gonna fall for that..because as i was standing there listening to you ask me to do something the next day i had the thought wait til tomorrow night to end it, so i didnt know what to do and walked away but knew i couldnt and it was a relief when i made you turn around and come back so i could break up with you because i knew if i didnt do it that night i knew i wouldnt.. As much as it hurt me to im am very glad i ended it with you, because obviously the whole 8 months you never cared nothing about me if you can do what you did to me. I dont give a crap if she made the first move. Baby it takes two, you could have stopped her just like other guys have..I hope you are happy with the choices you made. & I actually find it a blessing that i finally found out the type of person you are! Because honestly i have been wanting to break up with you because you werent the same and it didnt even feel like a relationship anymore because we had barely been talking you never asked me to do anything, so i guess being around me you felt guilty, in which you should have! So.. like i said it was a blessing that this came up because it gave me the nerve to end it with you.. I had been praying for this to be God's will because a relationship/marriage is something i take very seriously and i do not want to end up with the wrong person. But i never dreamed it would come up this way, but now that i think about it i guess God figured if it was something like this i would see you were the wrong person for me and i wouldnt think twice about ever dating you again.. And i hope you realize that i will stick to that. I thought i still wanted to be friends but the more i think about it, the more i think no i just want to have forgiveness in my heart but not have to face you. Because it just gave me a VERY VERY different outlook on you and it will be hard to see you the same again.. So Now even though i was looking forward to NSM's graduation, i dread every bit of it, having to face people and more than likely having to face you. and probably her. But like i said just gonna keep a smile on my face and know that i am a good person and didnt deserve this and do deserve someone better than you..But i do wanna thank my Bucky,Patrick,Jansen,Cassidy, and last but certainly not least Loran Tiffany Hill. Because if it wasnt for them having my back and making me laugh after i found out and just keeping a smile on my face that night i dont know what i would have done, then having Patty & Bucky text me all day Sunday checking on me and making sure im okay and making me laugh so hard at some of the stuff they said.. and reminding each other of hilarious stuff that took place that night, even though it was rough for me at points..I dont know what i would have done without you guys. So thank you :) I know i'll be okay! & i cant wait to hang out with all of you again. I love you guys.. SO if you (all of my 3 followers) read all this you deserve a pat on the back, im sorry i just needed to vent but not having to look at somebody and try to hold back tears while telling the story. But No tears during this thing, because it felt wonderful to get this off my chest. anyway i should really go now. Just thank you to anybody who has helped me comforted me wrapped their arms or anything, i know who my true friends are :) I love you guys!

3 comments:

  1. Wow, Whit. I seriously was crying just reading this-- no one is worth that kind of pain.. NO ONE! You have such a great outlook on this situation-- something I didn't have when I went through it. Be thankful for that! Just remember the first time it's their fault, but the second time, it's yours!

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  2. I'm really sorry you had to go through all that Whitney. But honestly, he's sooo not worth it! The Lord is gonna work all this out for you and send you a REAL MAN and fantastic person for you to fall in love with and marry. I honestly believe that. Don't even worry about this little boy. He's immature and one day he'll see how much he messed up by losing you! I love you so much girl! (:

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  3. Thankks you guys so much :) and yes i think so to April, in other words if you know anybody help a girl out..lol jk :) but love yall!

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